Blood Dust

by arrange

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1.
it isn't quite as dull as I thought it be at twenty one years old i still feel the same hate i did at fifteen i dream about the lone ranger that you'd feel in danger instead of me it isn't quite as dull as I thought it be at twenty three years old i still feel the same hate i did at thirteen i dream about the lone ranger that you'd feel in danger instead of me
2.
never put my babe through harder times but when my mind's not safe i try to find i try to find a stable mind i go and let him know but in this darkness it's impossible to seem in control i tried to let him be the help i thought i always needed but his love alone could never be able to change or intercede what always has been behind my eyes
3.
Loom 02:10
was never taught to say what i'm thinking always had a mind closed to being on and i wanna share the things that i'm thinking but something holds me back from just saying more was never taught to say what i'm thinking and it was never safe just to be alive a lie wanna share the things that i'm thinking and i never want you to doubt that i love you at all
4.
reading your texts by the fireplace i see how wrong you live feeling what i am alone calling back you want some cash to buy the drugs you can't help yourself from buyin my sister called and said mom might be gone i never thought i'd have to hear those words at all i guess i thought that we were done scratching at our minds again he wants us not to live the drugs you can't help yourself from buyin i feel responsible and it feels impossible that i could have ever helped you live or be alive
5.
race around / calling out on the ground / when my mind cowers how could they let him out they should've told us somehow how could they let him out what if the effort don't work now i have this reoccurring dream he'd stare at me unwavering i have this reoccurring dream dream the only words i'd hear from him "i'd love it if you stayed now i'd love to lead you back down" how could they let him out? my body's gotten used to this i find that hard to take i know i'm coping selfishly but i think it keeps me safe i feel cold fingers reach into my mind what what if i tell someone what if i tell someone i wake before he comes for my head can't sleep if i know he ain't dead i been worried bout if he lies about it now will the state still come for his head can't sleep if i know he ain't dead so i tell my babe my body's gotten used to this i find that hard to take i know i'm acting selfishly but i think you'd keep me safe i love you more than anything don't know why that's hard to say now but it hurts when they come for my head can't sleep if i know he ain't dead i been worried bout if he lies about it now will the state still come for his head will the state still come for his head my body's gotten used to this i find that hard to take i know i'm acting selfishly but i think you'd keep me safe i love you more than anything don't know why that's hard to say now
6.
Blood Dust 03:20
he'd say your life doesn't matter you'll all die if the cops come round take off your shirt and bring me the belt he'd teach us a lesson don't worry bout your head he'd say you'll get it soon wipe the blood from your face if you get your freedom back i hope my family's safe out on their own i won't know you'll never be able to comprehend how much blood you have stole but we know a phone call to tell me my father's getting out one day soon a couple years he's been the center of my fears if you get your freedom back i hope my family's safe out on their own but i won't know you'll never be able to comprehend how much blood you have stole you'll never be able to comprehend how much blood you have stole we know a phone call to tell me my father's gettin out one day soon
7.
Hunters 03:01
sensation’s buildin i feel it in my bones i feel it wandering and killin flowers in the sky feelin something yet wondering why it could creep up on me now
8.
mr military man would you ever understand the way the kids feel when the kids peel in the yard mr military man would never understand the way the kids feel when the kids peel in the yard hiding in the dark waiting for the shark i wonder if you sit days alone asking your eyes if what they’ve seen are real have they seen what things are real? they're tired from torn up carcasses and ladies you’ve left with unborn kids with the disease of hate for every inch of what you are of what you are what you are mr military man would never understand the way the kids feel when the kids peel in the yard but mr military man could sometimes understand the way the kids feel when the kids heal in the yard falling in the dark hiding from the sharks i wonder if you knew that you reenact the same hate you got from your kin long ago skin to skin ask us if what we see is real you know damn well we feel so real you know that what we see is real dad mr military man would you ever understand the way the kids feel when the kids peel in the yard mr military man will never understand the way the kids feel when the kids peel in the yard falling in the dark hiding from the shark i wonder if you sit days alone asking your eyes if what they’ve seen are real have they seen what things are real? they're tired from torn up carcasses and ladies you’ve left with unborn kids with the disease of hate for every inch of what you are
9.
Strings 04:24
10.
Womb 02:20
gone is the old child see what the wrong child has feel what the old child feels being in the womb again could i choose could i choose my own paradise is the old child gone see when the wrong child's scorn and i choose could i choose could i choose my own paradise
11.
Penguindrum 03:53
we were not the only ones knew a lot of kids in a hole had a little love back then not that i understood how love goes talk a little about events we never talk about again our hearts and minds thrown in the mud i'm calling the sun to peel off the dark and lead us to a haven where we all are safe i'm calling again not just for myself but for all of the children lost in the dark lead them from hell and teach them to heal and trust in themselves you'll find a way to trust in yourself
12.
couldn't know it's impossible when i speak to myself couldn't know lost respect for the parts i keep to myself watch what i speak to myself couldn've it been right couldn't it have happened in time i wanna tell you the lines on your face will go away and i wanna tell you the dust in the cracks will be gone one day but it doesn't matter what i tell you as long as we all get better and healthier as long as we all grow stronger and healthier one day the shade carves out a line between hate and all his crimes it often covers most your life but what does it give the shade carves out a line above hate and all his selfish crimes you twist and turn out of your skin one last time
13.
A Way For Me 02:02
you wanna see your friend then bring more than your hands are you able to ya able to? you've seen this before and you'll see it again i need you right now many times by the end it only tears my lover apart makes him try to find a way for me you've seen this before and you'll see it again hope you love me right now what can change the ways my mind dictates the place I stay? but whatever my mind decides i'll have to catch the signs i'll try i'll try
14.
he had a girl before me or my brother and my sister he wouldn't tell the world he'd let her grow into a woman before the day she shows her drawings of gun and wine she tells me that i wasn't hard to find only fear creeps in so i just look him up and print the pictures out to plaster them along my wall i feel her soul in there never want to forget the colors black and red and orange and blue and violent i cast my arms down low and swing as high as i can i know he wont stay there for long we know the evil underneath i gotta try and tear apart the solids peace gone never the same but ash fills our air and we breathe together we bleed together never knew her maybe someday
15.
watch what you say to me they might be right i have a violence in me howling out at night and i swear i will be caught with it someday let the cops whip out their guns and shoot a clip right in my face oh my how do i come up with this shit oh my how do i come up with this shit oh my oh my oh my woah i can be anything any wants me to be i can turn water to blood into needless feed like it or not i got one thing i need to be and baby that's with you and baby thats with you when i'm rotten at 83 do you think i'll be the same boy when i'm cold at 92 will you tell me just who i am la da da
16.
Never Is 02:56
don't know what it is when you call me on the phone it doesn't feel like home feel like home feels like it was so long ago with my nervous stare being there always felt like it was work for me oh but it comes and goes comes and goes like its supposed to take over everything i know i know i know that you have love for me but i also think that you never call for just anything with my nervous stare being there always felt like it was work for me oh but it comes and goes comes and goes like its supposed to take over everything i know i know i know that you have love for me but i also think that you never call for just anything don't know what it is when you call me on the phone

about

open.spotify.com/album/01ey0ETPITd3jiOiztRXzK
music.apple.com/us/album/blood-dust/1479811620
youtu.be/XZovddJMPho

"Much of this language, not to mention the sound, is consistent with what he was doing back on Plantation. But it feels different, more mature and self-defined. Lacey’s music has modeled growth not in the incandescent spurts of much pop, but in the way it actually happens: by degrees so fine as to be almost invisible, with plenty of backsliding and false starts. Instead of someone heroically becoming someone else, it represents someone, even more heroically, learning to be who he is." — Brian Howe, Pitchfork [7.1]

credits

released October 11, 2019

album photographs taken in 2008-09, Utah

thanks to Eva Friedman for letting me use her drum recordings on "can't help every way" and thank you to Spencer Lewin who let me use his guitar track at the end of "penguindrum"

mastered by Warren Hildebrand

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arrange Portland, Oregon

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